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Single man 06/11/2019 07:23 AM CST

I recognize I’m not your average groom. I have seen friends get married, had kids, divorced, remarried, had more kids and get divorced again. Hey, it happens.

Meanwhile I managed to fight off marriage temptations my entire adult life. This is a good thing. Some of the women I have dated turned out to be nuts. And that’s saying something because I myself am a little nuts. That all changed when I met my Lady Friend about four and half years ago. It’s nice to have someone in your life who is actually worth spending the rest of your life with.

As mentioned in the previous articles we’re having a small ceremony. So small we are inviting NO ONE. My parents, her parents and us. Done. Some of my friends have given me a hard time for not inviting them to the ceremony, but we are still having a party to celebrate the big day at our house a few weeks later. And I may be off base on this, but if someone invites me to the reception / party and also tells me I can skip the ceremony I am not complaining at all! The ceremony is the boring part. The party (and free booze) is the fun part. Who the hell complains about missing the boring part??

And as for the party, we’ve struggled a bit with whom to invite. The party is also an “open house” to show off the new home we bought last summer so lots of friends and family would love to come. But we don’t live in some big Playboy mansion party house. Hell, I don’t even have a grotto. And that sucks, I’ve always wanted a grotto. We live in a typical suburban house on a typical suburban cul de sac and have to be selective as to who we invite.

First up is family. Aunts, uncles, first cousins and their kids are all invited. This is the tough part because like all families we have some individuals who we’d rather not see. And some who we’d prefer they not find out where we live! But it is what it is. Then come the friends. Close friends are in. A few close coworker friends are in too but after that it gets tricky. We’ve flipped coins, thrown darts and read tarot cards to help us decide who gets to come eat and drink free all day, and who will never even know the party happened.

That’s because everyone that knows we’re getting married is also aware it will be a private ceremony. So anyone we don’t invite may assume we’re not having a party. And those we do are asked to keep it on the down low because of its smaller size. After the party happens it will be tough for these people to keep it secret, because I throw one hell of a party. So we are faced with the conclusion that there will come a time when lots of people realize they were not invited to the big shindig.

And then we’ll look like assholes. Which is a great way to start a life together, don’t you think